Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
