My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my shit smells like andre
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
