You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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