Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
