At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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