when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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