I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
