What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
