At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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