Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
