nut hugger
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
