Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
