you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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