Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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