i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
