If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
