and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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