If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
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