I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
