That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
