Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my shit smells like andre
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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