hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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