"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
