I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
