I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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