I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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