i think my tv is drunk
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
