If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
