is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
