I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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