I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
