using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
