Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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