we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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