I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
