This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
