Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
