Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
