After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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