So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
