ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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