i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
