Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
