but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hippo gnu deer
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
