this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
