Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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