life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
