sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
porn star boner night. come get it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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