how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
