I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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