I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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